Put jokes

New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?

Why?

So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.

Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

Yo mama so stupid, she put a battery up her a** and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.

It was impossible to put down.

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.

A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.

Yo mama is so fat that when she is about to put her foot on the scale, the scale begs for mercy.

I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.

Yo mamma so fat, she asked for a water bed, and they put a blanket over the Atlantic Ocean.

It’s about drive, it’s about power, We stay hungry, we devour, Put in the work, put in hours, And take what’s ours.