Put jokes

It’s about drive, it’s about power, We stay hungry, we devour, Put in the work, put in hours, And take what’s ours.

Your forehead is so big that when you put glasses on top of your head, it falls off.

Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because he put the wrong sock was put on.

Hehe.

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*

Guys, put more comments in.

We are so close to beating the world record for most comments on this website, and the record is 171.

I got banned from the library because I put the woman's rights book in the fiction section.

Where did the king put his armies?

In his sleevies.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.

A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.

Whoever put an "s" in the word "lisp" was a jackass!

Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

What do superheroes put in their drinks?

Just ice.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

What happens when you have dry elbows at work?

You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.

Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.

Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?

You rocket!

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.