Put jokes
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
Marriage is really educational.
When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.
Yo mama so stupid, she put a battery up her a** and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"
Putting WiFi in the morgue to enable live streaming.
When you put the highest setting in the vibrator
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.
Yo mama is so fat that when she is about to put her foot on the scale, the scale begs for mercy.
My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.
Yo mamma so fat, she asked for a water bed, and they put a blanket over the Atlantic Ocean.
Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.
It’s about drive, it’s about power, We stay hungry, we devour, Put in the work, put in hours, And take what’s ours.
What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?
Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
Baby: Stroll?
Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!
Baby: *happily screams*
Stroller: *front wheels break off*
Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!
Baby: Oka- CRASH!
It's kinda sad seeing you attempt to put your whole vocabulary in one sentence. Oh wait, you only said three words.
Why does the singer put a radio in her fridge?
Because she can listen to call music.