Put jokes

How do you put a baby alien to sleep?

You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀

When you put the chicken in the oven, it goes down, and the oven explodes. The oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass, and all goes back.

Saturn was so loved, someone put a ring on him.

Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂

Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)

I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.

(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)

(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])

What letter is really hot? T

C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK

ME SExUAL SRrY LoL

Unless Israel wants to become Hell Aviv, it would put itself on a tight leash, delivered specially from Uncle Sam.

How do you play chess with a Catholic?

You put a condom on the bishop.

I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.

Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!

How do you make a tissue dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

What's your mom and a dog got in common?

Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.

I'll put white in your smile.

Why do cops never put orphans in jail?

Because they aren't wanted.

Yo mama's so stupid, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.

Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.

"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces.

So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"

You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.

Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.

Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.

Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?

Put a kid in a wheelchair in the Twin Towers. Damn, I love Hot Wheels!

Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.