Put jokes

When you put the chicken in the oven, it goes down, and the oven explodes. The oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass, and all goes back.

I was reading a book about gravity. It was so hard to put down!

Stephen Hawking didn’t die naturally, his carer just forgot to put him on charge.

I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.

Did you hear about the book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down.

Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂

Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)

I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.

(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)

(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])

What letter is really hot? T

C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK

ME SExUAL SRrY LoL

I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.

Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!

Unless Israel wants to become Hell Aviv, it would put itself on a tight leash, delivered specially from Uncle Sam.

How do you play chess with a Catholic?

You put a condom on the bishop.

Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?

I'll put white in your smile.

Why do cops never put orphans in jail?

Because they aren't wanted.

Once I read a book about glue.

I couldn't put it down.

"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."

What's your mom and a dog got in common?

Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.

"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces.

So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"

Yo mama's so stupid, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.

Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.

Sorry for this Pick Up Line.

Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11, so let me put my plane in and let kids fall out.