Put jokes

I got banned from the library because I put the woman's rights book in the fiction section.

Where did the king put his armies?

In his sleevies.

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*

Whoever put an "s" in the word "lisp" was a jackass!

Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?

Why?

So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.

Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!

Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

Yo mama so stupid, she put a battery up her a** and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"

She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.

Putting WiFi in the morgue to enable live streaming.

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.

Why was Trump banned from music class? He kept putting his finger on D minor.

What was Clinton encouraged to get in college? A minor.

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

How to make a baby make funny faces?

Put it feet first in a blender.

"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."

The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/