Put jokes

I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.

An Emo walked up to a tree and put his hand up for a high-five.

But the tree left him hanging.

It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!

I got banned from the library because I put the woman's rights book in the fiction section.

Guys, put more comments in.

We are so close to beating the world record for most comments on this website, and the record is 171.

Whoever put an "s" in the word "lisp" was a jackass!

Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

What happens when you have dry elbows at work?

You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.

Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.

Why was Trump banned from music class? He kept putting his finger on D minor.

What was Clinton encouraged to get in college? A minor.

How to make a baby make funny faces?

Put it feet first in a blender.

"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."

The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/