Put jokes

Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

Yo mama so stupid, she put a battery up her a** and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"

I put the fun in funeral.

She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.

Yo mama is so fat that when she is about to put her foot on the scale, the scale begs for mercy.

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.

It was impossible to put down.

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

Putting WiFi in the morgue to enable live streaming.

New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.

What happens when you have dry elbows at work?

You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.

Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.