Put jokes

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

What happens when you have dry elbows at work?

You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.

Putting WiFi in the morgue to enable live streaming.

She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.

Yo mama so stupid, she put a battery up her a** and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

I put the fun in funeral.

Why was Trump banned from music class? He kept putting his finger on D minor.

What was Clinton encouraged to get in college? A minor.

Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.

It was impossible to put down.

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.