Put jokes

I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.

An Emo walked up to a tree and put his hand up for a high-five.

But the tree left him hanging.

It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!

If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.

A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.

Your forehead is so big that when you put glasses on top of your head, it falls off.

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because he put the wrong sock was put on.

Hehe.

Where did the king put his armies?

In his sleevies.

I got banned from the library because I put the woman's rights book in the fiction section.

Whoever put an "s" in the word "lisp" was a jackass!

Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?

Why?

So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.

I put the fun in funeral.

What does McDonald's and priests have in common?

They put their meat inside 10 year olds.

Guys, put more comments in.

We are so close to beating the world record for most comments on this website, and the record is 171.

What happens when you have dry elbows at work?

You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.

Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.