Puns
"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"
"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.
What’s up with the foot feet?
What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."
What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.
Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.
Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?
It was too tired.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
What is Jack Frost's favorite mode of transport?
A Tri-cycle.
My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
My teacher started talking about houses, then I said I don't want that informansion.
At first I was skeptical, but the universe has really grown on me.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.
What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?
The location of the Dirtbag.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl? If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).