Puns
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
Why was the staircase so sad?
Because everyone walks on them.
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
I am throwing a party in space. Can you help me planet?
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Which bees produce milk?
Boobies.
What's Gru's favorite Beyoncé lyric? "Who run the world... Gorls."
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
Why did the pen stop writing?
'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.
Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.
Why did the chicken commit suicide?
To get to the other side.
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.