I had a friend named Mari. Sadly she did drugs. So one day I go up to her and say “Mari-juana do this????” She later asked me to leave forever..... I don’t gnome why but... it CRACKed me up abit!!!
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves??
Russell
what do you call and egg murder?
An eggs_terminator
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling.
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse. They can stay in their living room.
Why are birds good at social media? Because they 'tweet' all the time!!!?
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “what ever you wish for comes true once you slide down”. One kid stepped up and slid down, he wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river. The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money, he then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee”!
I used to work at a T shirt factory before the company folded
2 magicians were in a competition the first one did magic and the second started counting down 3 2 but before he said the last number he 1
Yesterday I was in a wind storm. Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was Ear-ittating.
All real chemists knows that alcohol is always a solution. I did this chemistry joke yesterday, but I didn't get a reaction.
what do u call a group of emo people?
"the suicide squad"
What do Time Clocks like to play? Tick Tock Toe.
What did momma seal name her twin girls?
Luceal, and Sealia
What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?
You need more dressing.
What is thanos's favorite video game? Pokèmon snap
All trucks are monster trucks if you’re afraid of trucks
A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.
My new leaf blower doesn't work. It Sucks.
