Puns

What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dick tater.

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.

Don't trust the atoms, because they make up everything.

I asked my friend if they wanted to hear a joke about sodium, and they said, "Na."

I'm sorry, none of my jokes are very punny.

Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.

I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.

You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!

A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.

To not be outdone, the blond retorts:

"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"

What is your name?

My ankle is named Samantha.

I smell up dog in here.

"What's up, dog?"

Nothing much, how about you?

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My name is Ya.

Ya who?

Yahooooo!!!

If we can't see air, can fish see water?

Why did the guitarist go to prison?

'Cause he fingered A minor.

At first, I didn't like Big Ben, but then I went there and the experience was un-BELL-ievable!

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung.

Skeletons love to be in band. They love the trombone!

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?

Teacher to Student: You are supposed to be here at 9 am!

Student: Oh, did I miss anything?