Puns
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
So it didn't get its nuts wet.
I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."
Then which one are you?
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?
"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"
"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
Wow! That whiteboard is remarkable!
What do you call dynamite on steroids? - High Explosive.
What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?
A pee-ano/piano.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
What do you call a dead parrot?
Polygon.
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.
Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
What's a car's favorite place to hang out?
A CARnival!
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.