Puns

What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?

Hail, of course!

What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?

Reign!

I don't have luck with other angels.

So I just WING IT!

The thing I don't like about shopping centers...

When you see one, you've seen a mall.

What's an alien's favorite computer key?

The space bar!

What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!

Sometimes, stairs get me down.

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."

Then which one are you?

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender.

I used to have a fear of hurdles.

But I got over it.

Dear math,

Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.

Thanks.

The shovel is a ground breaking invention.

*Slaps and laughs*

Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.

Why did the sea cry?

Because it felt salty and blue.

Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.

What’s a peedophile’s favorite shoes? White vans.