Puns
If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?
Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?
It was too tired.
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
Uranus!
(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)
Wanna hear a pun?
Welp, I'll punch you with one!
Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.
I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?
So that he could design his own “website.”
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.
What dinosaur loves music?
The velociRAPtor!
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
What did one needle say to the other?
"You be looking sharp!"
I have a friend called Jakob and asked him, "Where my crackers are?"
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.