Puns
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.
What would the Mandalorian be called if it was made in an aquatic center?
Mandachlorian.
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.
When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"
Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
What happens when you suck?
You succ.
How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipses it!
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.
If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.