Puns
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
I am a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
your mom
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.