Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.
It was a shitzu
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. -- What a waste of thyme.
What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Why do cows wear bells? -- Because their horns don't work.
I am a big fan of whiteboards I find them quite re-markable
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
Sir, I mustache you a question... Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
your mom
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
i never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me
What do you call a spice with a PHD
Dr. Pepper
