A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He wen’t to his brother, who was playing with a superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered ‘SUPERMAN!!!’. Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said 'in the barbie dream house! Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said ‘Olé Olé Olé!!!’. The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. ‘WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!’, the teacher boomed. ‘Superman’, the boy replied. ‘WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!’, the teacher continued. ‘In the Barbie Dream House’ ‘GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!’ ‘OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!’, the boy chanted on his was down the hall.

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He couldn’t see that well.

How did I escape from Iraq, Iran.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

Why can’t dinosaurs clap? Because they’re dead.

What did the paintings name their daughter? Palette

My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

Why is six afraid of seven?

Seven is a registered six-offender

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road Because it was stuck in a crack

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea.

Are you a banana…

because I find you a-peeling

I am a big fan of whiteboards I find them quite re-markable

Knock Knock! Who’s there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!

I make science puns, but only periodically :3

Where did the sheep get a hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.

Why can’t skeletons play church music? Because they have no organs.

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner.

Wow! That whiteboard is remarkable!

My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”

Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “what ever you wish for comes true once you slide down”. One kid stepped up and slid down, he wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river. The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money, he then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee”!