Puns
Why was the computer so good at golf? Because he had a hard drive.
What does Mickey's wife drive?
A Minnie-Van!
A pecan is motivated because pe-can do anything.
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?
I tried to think of how lighting works.
Then it struck me!
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
What do you call a friendly noise? A sound wave.
What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.
Black dog is gay.
I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.
So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D
Succcccc.
If you don't stop with the puns, soon it won't be so fun.
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
What is a "dad?"
Why do leaves change color in the fall?
Because they want to leaf their old color.
Happiness.
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Control freak.
Con...
Ok, now you say, "Control freak who?"