Puns
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
What do you call someone with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
What do big fat male cows have?
Moobs.
You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!
"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
Why was three afraid of two? Because he killed everyone!
Why was the computer so good at golf? Because he had a hard drive.
Wanna hear a pizza joke?
Never mind, it's too cheesy.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
Why is it wrong to put a beef or turkey patty in a burger?
'Cause it's a ham-burger, isn't it?
How is baseball like cake?
They both need batters.
A homey thing is a house, and a sticky thing is a stick.
What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
Your mum gay. LOL. Funny me!
If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”
A midget walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says no.
The midget asks why. The bartender says, "You're a little drunk!"