Puns
I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.
What did one hurricane say to the other?
"I got my EYE on you!"
Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine!
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
Why do tables never need wheelchairs?
Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.
What do you call a broken chicken?
A broken chicken.
My name is Gunter.
Gunter Gunter is dead.
Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D
Sup?
The wedding was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers.
What do you call a bunch of llamas?
Alpaca llama.
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.
Hey, math:
I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!
In our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder.
And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"
One day I had the munchies, so I ate a clock. It was very... time consuming.
What's a bull's favorite body part?
An eye-BULL!
What does Mickey's wife drive?
A Minnie-Van!
pussi
Why do elephants never get rich?
Because they work for peanuts!
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.