Puns

What did one hurricane say to the other?

"I got my EYE on you!"

I almost got run over by a car.

For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.

My name is Gunter.

Gunter Gunter is dead.

Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D

What do you call a broken chicken?

A broken chicken.

I wondered why the pitcher hadn’t pitched the ball yet.

Then it hit me.

The wedding was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers.

How do inmates keep in touch?

They have cell phones.

In our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder.

And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"

Life is beautiful, but you are ugly.

What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?

"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"

One day I had the munchies, so I ate a clock. It was very... time consuming.

A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"

A boy walks into some woods with a phone, and his friend comes by and asks, "What are you doing?"

He pauses, then says, "Trying some bird calls!"

Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.

What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"

Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.

What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?

"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"

No, no, no, no. Spot the intruder.

There's no one.

A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.

I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.