Puns

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

What do you call a guy with a sandwich?

A guy with a sandwich.

It's punny.

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side.

One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Water.

Water who?

Water you waiting for, just let me in!

Knock, knock. Who's there? Wakanda? Wakanda who? WAKANDA ENDING IS THIS?

I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.

This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.

I got shot once. Now I'm holey.

I wanted to make a joke about dandruff.

People are still scratching their heads over it.

What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.

My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.

What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

Hello.

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?

We’re wiped out!

We went running on our camping trip. It was past tents.