Puns
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!
What is Forrest Gump's password?
1forest1
My jacket tore a little bit. It's a ripper.
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
My god, my egg jokes are eggcellent!
Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.
He still is a kid.
Oh no!
What did chemical 1 say to chemical 2?
"I think you're overreacting."
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!
What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.
- Hey, are you single?
- No, I'm album.
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.
I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.
Me: Nah, it's just two tired.
You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.
I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.