Puns

Me: (Tim) What's wrong?

Him: Wha...

Me: Are you inTIMidated?

What's grey and can't fly?

A parking lot.

What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?

If you break a leg, you get cast.

I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.

What did the banana say to the peel?

“Let’s split!”

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Olive.

Olive who?

I love you!

Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.

What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?

A bull in a china shop.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!

My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

I have a son. Her name is Zara.

I also have a dad. Her name is Lydia.

Sans: What is Todoroki's favorite coffee creamer?

Half n' Half hehe.

Papyrus: Sans! He's not even part of our fandom!!!

Sans: Bro don't get so HOT headed about it. Just CHILL.

Sorry not sorry -sans

I would try to make a Fortnite joke, but I can't seem to build on it.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Why was the baseball player stuck in the stadium?

'Cause he made his home run.

Do you want a book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down!

Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?

Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.

Why do only guys have fun? There's only the word "penis" in happiness.

What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?

The Devil's advocado.