Puns
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.
I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.
I need to go to the tailor, or so it seams.
I need to get new shoes; one of these isn’t right.
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
Why did the man say "hi" to say "bye?"
Why did the roach talk to the man? To die.
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.
You thought his puns were bad, wait till you sea mine!
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
"I was lost in the woods yesterday."
"I was in some sticky situation..."
Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?
Well, I just can't seem to put it down.
Why don't Jedi like their female relatives?
Because they are Sith-ters.
I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.
Why was the Koala Bear so clever?
Because he had good koalifications!
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.
Do you know why I hate pedophiles?
They are fucking immature kids!
Bread?