Puns

You thought his puns were bad, wait till you sea mine!

Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?

Because every play has a cast.

"I was lost in the woods yesterday."

"I was in some sticky situation..."

Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?

Well, I just can't seem to put it down.

Why don't Jedi like their female relatives?

Because they are Sith-ters.

I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.

Why was the Koala Bear so clever?

Because he had good koalifications!

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.

Do you know why I hate pedophiles?

They are fucking immature kids!

Bread?

I have so many cash machine jokes.

But none of them seem to work ATM.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."

"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."