Puns

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Have you ever eaten a clock before? I heard it’s very time consuming.

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

How do you call a cop?

Through the phone.

(My puns are bad)

I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.

A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?

I was going to invite your friends to your birthday, but they were all extinct.

What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?

"Now sashimi, now you don't!"

What time does the man go to the bank?

8 AM.

You're overreacting.

What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile?

"Get in the Batmobile!"

Buh dum tish.

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.

What do you say when you see a pig making bread?

He's bacon.

A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.