What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
Puns
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
What do you call a fruit's penis?
A percock.
Who are voting for this election? I'm voting for Tricity, so vote for Tricity. Electricity!
Fun fact: Toasters were originally called tanning breads!
What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?
They both leave you hanging.
I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.
Succcccc.
Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi.
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Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
Ur mum geiy 69 dinner 42 es dee get rekt kid 360 quikskope biatch!
I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.
It was a breathtaking experience.
Sometimes, stairs get me down.
Did you hear the one about the hills?
It was hillarious.
Bill was on a hill. What a hillbilly!
A midget walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says no.
The midget asks why. The bartender says, "You're a little drunk!"
Why isn't a koala a bear? It doesn't have the koalafications.
Why does everyone like couch jokes?
Because they are sofa-nny (so funny)!
