Puns

Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.

No, what did you get? Older.

The wedding was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers.

I went to the store, and yeah...

Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?

Teacher: What?

Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.

I'm supposed to put a joke here.

But I can't find a mirror...can you find one yourself?

I'm sure you'll laugh.

I know a lot of jokes, but I could learn a femor.

Why did the toad cross the road?

To show his girlfriend he had guts.

*Shrek* Bend ogre.

"I only eat food on the right of my plate."

"Are you good at eating?"

"I'm alright at eating."

How can you help a llama on holiday?

Alpaca your bags.

Do you want to buy my Hoover?

I mean... it's just collecting dust.

I wondered why the pitcher hadn’t pitched the ball yet.

Then it hit me.

Titanic jokes sink in. Pun intended.

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.

I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.

I need to go to the tailor, or so it seams.

I need to get new shoes; one of these isn’t right.

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

Why did the man say "hi" to say "bye?"

Why did the roach talk to the man? To die.