Puns
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?
Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?
How do you drown a Blonde? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a pool.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
I was at my drumming lesson and I accidentally dropped my drum stick when my sister made a terrible joke.
KA-DOOM-CHA!
9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse.
2 people bought plants.
3 people bought shovels.
1 person yelled.
3 people left Bunnings Warehouse.
1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired! 💁♀️🤦♀️
Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.
One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"
The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."
After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."
The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"
After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.
The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."
The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."
The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."
The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."
The first kid then says: "I know, right?"
They then begin a snowball fight.
The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"
What is Thanos's favorite video game?
Pokémon Snap.
What did the beaver say to his son?
Dam, son.
You were born on the highway. That's where all the accidents happen!
I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.
Josh Hemus - follow him on Instagram @joshhemus
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
What do big fat male cows have?
Moobs.
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
What did chemical 1 say to chemical 2?
"I think you're overreacting."
Why are you gay? Because I said so!
I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"