Puns

So, some ants in a colony go to war. They want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants.

They start barging into homes to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home, and the lady-ant goes, "Hey, why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants replies with, "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house."

When does it rain money?

When there's a change in the weather.

Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.

What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You're under a vest.

What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?

A pan-duh.

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.

Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).

My teacher started talking about houses, then I said I don't want that informansion.

Hi, I'm a skeleton and I know a skele-TON of jokes!

Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.

My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.

When is a piece of wood made king?

When it's a ruler.

Why can't melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

One volcano said, "Is that you, Qs? I am hot."

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Phew, it's hot in here." The other muffin says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"

I have no puns because I don't play soccer.

Paper.

Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!

New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.

Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!

Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?

Rip Van Tinkle.