Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.
Puns
My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
Why can't melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
One volcano said, "Is that you, Qs? I am hot."
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Phew, it's hot in here." The other muffin says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"
I have no puns because I don't play soccer.
Paper.
Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!
New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
#1: What are you doing?
#2: Watching a movie.
#1: Oh, I know why, because you move-ie.
My hips can't move, but Heineken.
You know, most people take rocks for granite... sorry.
If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?
Let's taco about something.
I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.
Oofer.
