Puns

What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?

-"I want my quarterback."

I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."

I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.

Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.

What do you call a pen with no head?

DeCAPitated.

I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.

Your mum!

Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.

I used to have a fear of hurdles.

But I got over it.

I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.

No pun in ten did.

Where do mathematicians go to die?

The symmetry.

A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.

What do you call a cute door?

Adoorable.

Did you hear about the guy who made knock-knock jokes? He won the Nobel Prize.

Louis' IQ is like his running; always two points below average.

Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

If you humped a whale, it would humpback.

Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!

What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!

I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...

Knock, knock...

Who's there?

I don't know?!?