Puns
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Me: Hey, what book are you reading?
Him: "The Twisted Ones."
Me: Uh, I guess that book is pretty twisted.
I can't handle these puns...
But I can HAND you some puns!
Budum tiss!
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.
22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.