Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.
22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
