Puns
Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!
What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!
I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
I don't know?!?
My friend wanted to say egg puns, so I told him, "Omelette you do your egg jokes."
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
Hahaha. These eggs surely crack me up!
What does a house wear?
A dress.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.
Did you SEA what I did there?
GUY: Yes
Are you SHORE?
Q: Have you ever felt a window?
A: Did you feel the pane?
What's a turtle's favorite thrill ride?
Shell shock!
I have a friend called Jakob and asked him, "Where my crackers are?"
Having sex while camping is fucking in tents (intense).
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?
He won a no-bell prize.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dinosnore!
Let me tell you a pun. Never mind, it's tearable.
What do you call a fish with two knees?
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.