Puns
Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
I am a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
I went into a dark basement with a flashlight, but then it died, but I was not scared. I was actually delighted.
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves? Hans Solo.
This website sucks, it never cites the correct information.
When my dog barks, he gets ruff.
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
I ain’t a chicken, but I ate a duck before.
Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
The boy ran into the gym, why?
Because he wanted to ketch-up with everyone. Also, he got pun-ishment from his "momster."
How do you make antifreeze?
You steal her blanket.