Public health jokes

Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?

When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.

If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa, we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...

How do you flatten curves?

With an abortion.

9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.

Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."

When Covid spreads through food, but you realized you live in Africa.

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."

As the coronavirus pandemic strengthens...

Trump - "Quick, inject yourselves with bleach!"

Also Trump - "I order everyone in America to wear a face mask except for me!"

Suicide is population control, republished.

Cops be like dead from COVID hahaha. Should have listened to the law, you dumb dead pigs!

So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.

Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.

Only a city council committee would create this mistake.

Put a fucking playground next to a shitty sewer!

Covid 19 stopped mass shootings faster than the Government.

There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.

I hope my teacher will be ok.

Me: spreading positivity.

Everyone else at the HIV testing center.

Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.

Son (in a happy tone): I know.

Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?

Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.

Dr. Fauci would be surprised to know that R. Kelly didn't catch COVID-19.

But since COVID is 19, it's too old for him.