Psychology jokes

Why did the rapper go to therapy?

To work on his FLOW ISSUES.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.

An orphan was shocked, he called the ambulance. If he forgot he's suicidal, he quickly hung up.

A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."

A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.

I'm like a rubber because people hit me as I can't feel.

The cure for depression is around the corner... There it is, the train.

I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

Why can orphans travel around so much?

A. They never get homesick.

Why did the math book go to the psychologist?

It had too many problems.

Remember, if you are suffering from paranoia...

You are not alone.

What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.

Real Pokémon.

Anxiety evolved into depression. Depression was the final stage evolution.

I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.

If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

Are you angry?

Go bully an orphan!

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?