Psychology jokes
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"
"Claustrophobic!"
What's the difference between an emo kid and an apple? The apple falls from the tree.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
I got raped by my therapist... now I know where the name comes from!
Why did the lil kid cut himself?
Answer: Because he was emo, HAHHHAHAHAHAAHHA!
Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?
A: They always seem to cut a little too close.
My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.
I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"
Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".
I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.
How do you get a retard out of a tree?
Wave at them.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
Why did Johnny cry?
He was molested by his sister. Johnny enjoyed it, though.
Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?
So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.
Why did the orphan die?
He killed himself because the lack of a support system made him depressed.