Psychology jokes
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.
How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?
"No, you hang yourself first..."
How do you make the grass cut itself?
Make it depressed.
"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"
"Claustrophobic!"
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
We are anonymous because none of us are as cruel as all of us.
When an orphan takes a family photo, it's called a selfie.
If a depressed kid tries to high five a tree, it leaves them hanging.
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?
We have a case of Witzelsucht.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.
Bully 1 to Bully 2: You're ugly.
Bully 2: Look in a mirror.
Bully 1: Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone else.
I know you came here to feel good about yourself...
My grief counselor died the other day.
He was so good at his job, I don't even care.
Doesn't having depersonalization mean that you're like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?
(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)
Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,
he is my only motivation for trying again.
What happened when the emo tried to high five a tree?
It left him hanging.