Psychology jokes

How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?

"No, you hang yourself first..."

What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?

Alzheimer's.

If a depressed kid tries to high five a tree, it leaves them hanging.

A depressed kid gave me a high five. I left him hanging.

Doesn't having depersonalization mean that you're like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?

(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)

Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,

he is my only motivation for trying again.

Hey I have a joke for you.

My life hahah. I wanna die.

The cure for depression is around the corner... There it is, the train.

What is the difference between a leaf falling from a tree and an emo falling from a tree?

The leaf falls to the ground, the emo just hangs there.

What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!

I know you came here to feel good about yourself...

What happens to a nervous nut?

It cracks.

Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.

Why do orphans become criminals?

To feel what it is like to be wanted.

I saw a kid crying and asked him where his parents were. He started crying harder.

The ungrateful brat. I see why he is an orphan.

Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?

So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.

For any bag of chips, it's considered family size.

This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.

If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"

How do you call a mirror and an orphan?

Family reunion.