Psychology jokes
Are you angry?
Go bully an orphan!
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"
He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"
"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
What sits on the seabed and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.
Did you hear about the woman who couldn't stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
How do our brains remember that we forgot something, but we can't remember what that thing was?
A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
If a depressed kid tries to high five a tree, it leaves them hanging.
When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.
How do you know someone is autistic?
They get stuck in a loop very often.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
What makes you guys high?
I get high when I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.
What do depressed teenagers and fruits have in common?
They both hang by something.
When an orphan takes a family photo, it's called a selfie.