Problem jokes
Why can't an orphan see their parents? Because there is mayo in his dick hole.
Why does an orphan always get out in baseball?
Because he can't run home.
Why are orphans running around the world after the baseball coach said, "Go home"?
Because he didn’t know what the hell to do.
Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?
Because he didn't have enough space.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
if i had 8 good women what does that mean
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
Why don't rappers ever become chefs?
Because they can't stop droppin' the beet!
How do Americans learn the metric system?
9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.
What is the worst part about siblings having sex?
Being left out.
I made this up.
I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.
Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."
Why was Liverpool the worst bespoke? Rio supports it, hahah!
Why didn’t Anne Frank just finish her diary?
Concentration problems.
Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.
A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.
I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.
Gravity sure is fast.
Why did the ass go to therapy?
It couldn't deal with all the crap.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he doesn't know if he is black or white.