What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Stephen Hawking died because he turned off his VPN.
Stephen Hawking isn’t dead, he’s just using VPN.
What do you call a moose that doesn't want to be known? Anonymoose.
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
What is the difference between a man peering through the key hole and a woman in the bath?
One is rude and nosy; the other is rude and nosy.
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
