New Priest Jokes - Page 14 - Worst Jokes Ever

Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."

A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.

To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."

He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.

Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂

What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.

Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"

Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"

Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"

What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?

They are all locked in the Priest's basement.

What’s the difference between a zit and a priest? The zit waits 'til you're 12 to cum on your face.

What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?

A Catholic priest.

A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"

What is a priest's favorite song?

-- Magic Flute in A minor.

What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.

What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?

The priest stopped him on the way there.

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.

Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?

Priest: Why?

Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.

What do McDonalds and priests both do?

They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.

I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!