Priest jokes
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest's basement.
What’s the difference between a zit and a priest? The zit waits 'til you're 12 to cum on your face.
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
What do McDonalds and priests both do?
They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
6jhyrgeda.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."