The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.
The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"
The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!
What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?
"Meals on Wheels."
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek?
No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
How did the cheetah greet other animals?
Cheetah: "Nice to eat you."
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
Where do pedophiles go hunting?
Elementary schools.
Why did the cheetah always cheetah against the lion?
Because she knew the lion was always lion.
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
What do you get when you goblin with a shark?
I like my clocks like I like people
Under 12
