Predator jokes
Why did the lion lose the race? Because he was playing with a cheetah.
What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?
An octobrave.
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
Why do mountains get so big? They have no natural predators.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
What did the snake say to the mouse? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
Why can't the cheetah play hide and seek? Because he's always spotted.
What do you get when you goblin with a shark?
Have you ever heard of the stupid coyote? He got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of his legs, and was still stuck!
A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."
There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."
There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."
There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."
There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."
Then it all happened.
The fly dropped six inches.
The fish came up and caught the fly.
The bear came out and caught the fish.
The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.
The mouse went for the sandwich.
The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.
The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
What's black, white, and "read" all over?
A zebra after a lion is full.
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.
You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.
How did the cheetah greet other animals?
Cheetah: "Nice to eat you."
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!
How do lions 🦁 like their steak?
"Roar!"
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'