Possession jokes
You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
What do people use more than you that is yours?
He he, that's MJ's pronouns.
23 is Michael Jordan's.
Fake news is Trump's.
Why can’t orphans win trophies?
Because they can’t take them home.
I got one of those.
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
My chocky milk, don't you touch my chocky milk! It's mine! No it's not! It's your face! Ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Q: What does a cat have that no other animal has?
A: Kittens.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
Both man and woman have balls, but they like to play with the ball of each other because a person always loves what they don't have. 😁
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
What is the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage. :)
(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
I shit on your furniture.
What do gum and guns have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"