Possession jokes
I got one of those.
My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.
Hey, can I axe you a question?
My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.
Q: What does a cat have that no other animal has?
A: Kittens.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead kids?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
My chocky milk, don't you touch my chocky milk! It's mine! No it's not! It's your face! Ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Why can’t orphans win trophies?
Because they can’t take them home.
What's the difference between dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
What’s the difference between 80 dead babies and a Lambo? I don’t have a Lambo in my garage.
He he, that's MJ's pronouns.
23 is Michael Jordan's.
Fake news is Trump's.
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
What do gum and guns have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.
I shit on your furniture.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?
What’s the difference between a pile of corpses and a Mclaren P1?
I don’t have a garage.
What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.
Both man and woman have balls, but they like to play with the ball of each other because a person always loves what they don't have. 😁
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.