What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.
You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
I stole one's balls.
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?
I don’t have a Mercedes.
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.
If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
