Possession

Possession Jokes

Lamborghini

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Exorcism

What’s the opposite of an exorcism?

It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.

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  • Movie

    Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

    Poor

    You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.

    Exorcism

    What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

    Lamborghini

    What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

    Wizard

    A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.

    "Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

    "My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

    The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

    The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

    "37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

    "You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

    Baby

    What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?

    I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

    Difference

    What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

    Porsche

    What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Porsche?

    I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

    Mercedes

    What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?

    I don’t have a Mercedes.

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  • Umbrella

    "Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

    Pocket

    What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.

    Workout

    After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.

    It's in my basement.

    Dino nuggies

    If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.

    Sequel

    Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?

    A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.