While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.
Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
Why can’t orphans win trophies?
Because they can’t take them home.
Both man and woman have balls, but they like to play with the ball of each other because a person always loves what they don't have. 😁
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What do gum and guns have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the demon tells the priest to exit the child's body.
My chocky milk, don't you touch my chocky milk! It's mine! No it's not! It's your face! Ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Ya, I have a Hydro Flask.
H: My Y: Grandpa D: Sticks R: His O: Cock F: Up L: My A: Ass S: K:
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
What do people use more than you that is yours?
So my brother said we should start a band, and I said I already had a band. So I gave him my band and he said he was talking about music, and I said, "Well, I do have a trum-bone ;)"
What's big and round?
Mine and not yours.
