Possession jokes
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and kids?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What does a gun and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
I stole one's balls.
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
What's big and round?
Mine and not yours.
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What do people use more than you that is yours?
You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead kids?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.
Hey, can I axe you a question?
My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.
What’s the difference between 80 dead babies and a Lambo? I don’t have a Lambo in my garage.