Ownership jokes
I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.
What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?
Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.
What's the difference between a Ferrari and 100 dead babies?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
What is a dog?
A pet.
How do you call somebody who has bought a Corona?
A Cor-owner.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Why don't communists like Microsoft? Because it's Minecraft instead of ourcraft.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
A guy saw a person with a duck and said, "Where did you get a pig?"
The owner replied, "It's not a pig, dummy!"
The random guy said, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the duck."
What's the difference between a car and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a car in my garage.
"Hippoty hoppity, women are property."
What's the difference between a Porsche and 50 dead babies?
..... I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."