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Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exersice. They got up into the air and Jim said, “okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want.” Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, “I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire.” Allyn said “what?” As he looked over at Jim.

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain…

Me: So… You’re new? Depression: (I don’t know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading… You know… Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job… Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we’re friends! Me: Interesting… (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it’s problemos) Me: Well I think you’re signed up! I’ll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)


My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.

I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”

Everyone’s always saying they’re so worried about America’s big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I’m not worried about that…I’m worried about the idiot on the end of it.

What is a female gamer’s favorite part of the controller? The Joystick

Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".

What was the incontinent farmer’s greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn’t control his peas!!!

gun control…

Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.

curiosidades de 1D

Louis: Cuando Justin Bieber hablo sobre nosotros en especial sobre Niall en una entrevista el grito “OH MY BIEBER” (Risas) Liam: Harry se riza el pelo. Niall: Harry tiene le pelo liso. Louis: No, es una peluca. Harry: Soy calvo (Risas) Niall: Aunque no lo crean, siempre leo los tweets que me mandan todas las directioners, aunque no pueda contestarlos todos Zayn: A Niall le gusta mi cuerpo. Harry: A todo el mundo le gusta tu cuerpo. Zayn: ¿Tu crees?. Harry: A mi si, y a las fans también E: ¿Cuál es la cosa más sexy sobre ti? Niall: Mis ojos. Es la única cosa que me gusta de mi cuerpo. Me siento incómodo hablando de esto. Niall: Aprendi a tocar la guitarra cuando tenia 12 años. Me la regalaron por navidades y desde entonces amo tocarla. E: ¿Cuales son sus papeles en la banda? Liam: Harry es el coqueto, Louis el desordenado, Niall el adorable y Zayn es callado. Niall: Es muy gracioso ver los tweet’s que nos envían las fans, una vez me dijeron '‘Tómale una foto a tu trasero y envíamela’' Niall: Tendríamos que grabar a Liam cuando lo maquillan. Hace muecas y respira rápido porque el maquillaje le pica. Harry: No sé que me pasó el otro día pero una chica me pidió que la firmara la mejilla, fue como "Harry no la beses, controlate" Niall: No me parecen atractivas las chicas de pasarela. Prefiero a una chica normal Harry: Lo peor que podria pasarnos seria que nos robaran el movil. Sería muy vergonzoso que vieran nuestros videos Liam: Me gustaria salir con una chica que no hablara Ingles para asi yo poder enseñarle el Idioma Niall: Me incomoda que me miren cuando estoy comiendo, ¿Que tal si quieren llevarse mi comida?.

Guns control

Murder:wanna play a game? me:ok (pulls out xbox controller)