Position jokes

Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.

I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!

Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.

What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.

If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?

If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?

I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.

Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors?

Because you can’t look up to them.

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

What are Russia's favorite netball positions?

Goal Shooter and Wing Attack.

An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."

Are you getting the funnies?

Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?

Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

What’s positive in Africa?

HIV/AIDS.

What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?

The HIV test results.

I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"

Why is 10 always afraid?

Because it is between 9 and 11.

I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.

I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!