Position jokes

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!

Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.

What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.

If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.

If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?

Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors?

Because you can’t look up to them.

What are Russia's favorite netball positions?

Goal Shooter and Wing Attack.

An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."

Are you getting the funnies?

Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?

Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

What’s positive in Africa?

HIV/AIDS.

I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"

What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?

The HIV test results.

Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.

I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!

Why is 10 always afraid?

Because it is between 9 and 11.