Position jokes

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.

My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.

Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."

If rape was about power, then my electric bill would be a positive balance.

For all the people with Covid-19, I just want to say... Stay positive.

My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.

Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"

Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."

Lord: "My dog died?!"

Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."

Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"

Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."

Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"

Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."

Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"

Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"

Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.

China is as fake as bitches with plastic surgery, and they talk about body positivity.

What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?

Sixty nein.

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

A. Ask your mother.

What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?

The Devil's advocado.

Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

What's a rapist's fav position?

Missionary in a dark corner.

I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!

Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.