After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A. Ask your mother.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
For all the people with Covid-19 i just want to say... Stay positive
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A: A battery has a positive side
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama. You never turn your back to your family
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
my happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my h.i.v test w/out studying
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.
What's a rapist's fav position? Missionary in a dark corner
What do you you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.
. What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!
Dads secretary left her position, he tole me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.
China as fake as bitches with plastic surgery and talk bout body positivity
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex? -- Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government?
Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man." I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, im hit! I think I've lost an electron! Are you sure? Asks the other. Im positive!
This one as actually physics(unlike some other joke here, ahem cough cough)