Politics jokes
Why was the 19th Amendment a major mistake?
Because it gave women the ability to dodge accountability.
A guy in a wheelchair said, "I stand for Boris." But I think he meant he sat for Boris.
Why is America bad at playing Clash of Clans?
Because they already lost two towers.
Why does JD Vance have strained diplomatic relations with Turkey?
He took away their ottoman!
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
What is black and white and red all over? JFK
Did you hear they just took Biden to the hospital?
No, what happened?
He couldn’t stop pootin!
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”
Yo mama is so ugly that even Donald Trump couldn't be inside her dreams.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
Donald Trump has too much sand in his vagina.
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.
What's George Floyd's newest song?
"I can't breathe."
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.
Conservatives hate Barack Obama and transgender people for the same exact reason.
They hate change.
I don't even know why to joke about America, it's a joke itself TO THE FUCKING EARTH!
Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?
A: His lips move.
A Russian wedding should be called a Soviet Union.
We should give whoever killed Hitler a statue. Oh wait, never mind.