Politics jokes

Who's Hitler's best friend? Nazis me.

Ukraine.

Most controversial types of matter:

1. Dark matter 2. Anti-matter 3. Black Lives Matter.

If Republicans really wanted to enact pro-life legislation, they would ban guns, not abortion.

Why can't America play chess?

They're already missing 2 towers.

Why did the Democrats act like an asshole when Rush Limbaugh was alive?

Because they fear him.

JFK

Half is definitely a bottom.

What did the trumpet say to Trump?

"Hi, fellow trumpet!"

In a thick Russian accent:

"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."

My friend is blind.

So he always says he cannot Nazi.

How do you become with NATO? Promise no more world wars by secretly performing military practices behind their back.

Jackie gives better head than Marilyn.

Iran? More like tin can, cause we’re going to kick their teeth in, am I right?

You're so ugly that you and Adolfo Hitler are like twins.

Donald Trump is still the president, even after the government has been shut down.

A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map of North America.

"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.

The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.

"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"

The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.

"Where is Germany again, Father?"

He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.

Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."

"Yes?"

"Has Hitler seen this map?"

Hey, wanna hear a racist joke?

Donald Trump.

How did Hitler get killed?

With a "NEIN" millimeter.

Hitler is a national hero, he killed Hitler... Oh wait.