Politics jokes

My friend is blind.

So he always says he cannot Nazi.

How do you become with NATO? Promise no more world wars by secretly performing military practices behind their back.

Jackie gives better head than Marilyn.

Iran? More like tin can, cause we’re going to kick their teeth in, am I right?

You're so ugly that you and Adolfo Hitler are like twins.

Donald Trump is still the president, even after the government has been shut down.

In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.

Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.

A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.

A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map of North America.

"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.

The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.

"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"

The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.

"Where is Germany again, Father?"

He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.

Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."

"Yes?"

"Has Hitler seen this map?"

Hey, wanna hear a racist joke?

Donald Trump.

How did Hitler get killed?

With a "NEIN" millimeter.

Hitler is a national hero, he killed Hitler... Oh wait.

How many times was Bin Laden shot?

911 times.

"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces.

So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"

All you pro-life Christian motherfuckers can go die, lol.

"Nancy be like I sucked my way to the top."

The UK is a joke. I want to leave ASAP.

Hispanic and Latino people be like, "No more immigrants!" Like, dude, aren't you an immigrant?

What do you call Jan[uary] 6th?

White people smearing shit on the walls of the capitol!

Brazil is a joke.