Politics jokes

What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?

The 2028 US election.

You will never see a redneck opposing a war.

He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"

Fun fact: this category of jokes is the MOST hated one by feminists.

Unless you force them the point.

What is a card carrying lesbian feminist?

A carpet muncher who is a card carrying member of the National Organization For Women.

I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.

The things you do for your cousins!

I'm offended.

- Liberals

My face when “Free Palestine” wasn’t a sales deal.

There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.

What does Donald Trump say when he declares war? Nuke them.

What does a pervert say when he declares war? Nude them.

A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...

"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"

Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."

"Oh, right. How's it going?"

"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."

"Wow! What about NATO?"

"They haven't turned up yet."

President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.

Oh well, that's politics.

What's the difference between a government and a pawn shop?

They lower you.

Biden: See you later, alligator!

Alligator: In a while, pedophile.

Who's Hitler's best friend? Nazis me.

How does Hitler tie his shoes?

Into little Nazis.

Most controversial types of matter:

1. Dark matter 2. Anti-matter 3. Black Lives Matter.

Ukraine.

If Republicans really wanted to enact pro-life legislation, they would ban guns, not abortion.

Why did the Democrats act like an asshole when Rush Limbaugh was alive?

Because they fear him.