Politics

Politics jokes

Comedian

    • (pre-election 2016) Trump Hating Comedian at seedy East L.A. comedy club -

    "Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump... what the fuck up with that dude, man?

    "Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!)

    . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for bein' fucked up, for instance ....

    STUMP: TEENY DICK

    BUMP: TINY TIT

    GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY

    MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE

    LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED

    UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS

    RUMP: AN ASS

    DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS

    HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD

    PUMP: SEE "HUMP"

    . . . and last, but definitely not least --

    JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP VAT 'O SCAT MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO STRAIGHT TO HELL BITCH!! ....

    HA! HA! HA! HA! YESSS!!

    .... well boys and girls, that's gonna be about it for me, as I think my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a big turn for the worse!"

    ......(splort!, plop!, drip!)........ OOOOPS! 'snif, snif'........

    ..... ewwwwww!!

    (audience growing uneasy and unruly)

    "Fuhhk! ... I better go now, 'cause I just went! ... ha! ha! ha! ...... Yikes!!

    GOOD NIGHT LAZIES, AND GERBILMEN! PLEASE DRIVE RECKLESSLY!

    (curtain drops)

    (continuous laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants peeing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', fists fuckin', guns poppin', blood pumpin')

    "OH LORDY!!... I THINK HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH,

    ... AND ARMAGITTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"

    (one very quick curtain call, and swiftly out the back door to an awaiting taxi ............ with ALL the windows rolled down) Whew! ............ Amen.

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    • Country

    • In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.

    In Soviet Russia, it's called aregoslavia.

    In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.

    In Soviet Russia, it's called yugostravia.

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    • Politics memes

    Train

    • German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys.

    American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun.

    African XP farms: Cotton field.

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    • Lesbian

    • What is a card carrying lesbian feminist?

    A carpet muncher who is a card carrying member of the National Organization For Women.

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    • Mum

    • Your mum is so stupid, she tried to take the crown off a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster so that she could become the new queen of England.

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    • Plane

    • So, Biden, Zelensky, and Putin are on a plane, and the plane loses altitude and goes down, but there are 2 parachutes. Putin takes the first one and jumps because he is a greedy twat. So he jumps, but then Biden says, "You go, Zelensky. I am much older than you, and it is ok for me to die." So Zelensky takes the second one and jumps, but when he did, the plane regains altitude, and Biden got to Washington, DC, all fine. They found out the reason was Zelensky's steel balls.

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    • Stalin

    • A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”

    A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later, he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”

    The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”

    Stalin lets him go, but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”

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    • Car

    • What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?

    Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.

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