Politics jokes

A guy in a wheelchair said, "I stand for Boris." But I think he meant he sat for Boris.

Why are Americans bad at chess? Because they have already lost two towers.

Dude: Hey dude guess who I am?

Viewers: Dora.

Trump: No, I am President Trump.

Viewers: Why are you wearing Dora’s clothes and backpack?

Trump: Today we are going to build a wall.

Viewers: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"

What do you call a country's booty?

Its bottom line.

What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?

They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.

You know how Joe Biden is happy?

When he is rubbing a little girls' shoulders and eating ice cream.

What did Joe Biden say to the dog? I'm gonna molest you.

What's George Floyd's newest song?

"I can't breathe."

"You're the bomb"—a compliment in the USA.

An argument in the Middle East.

Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.

"Yo mama's so fat that when she farts, Al Gore accuses her of global warming."

Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and orange Jello?

A. The Jello has a higher IQ.

The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.

Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."

What are four ways a condom is like a Republican elephant?

1. It stands for inflation.

2. It limits production.

3. It encourages cooperation.

4. It gives you a feeling of security even though you know you're being screwed.

Biden 2020.

Putin be like, Finland and Sweden are bullying me with NATO, the same NATO that can't even reload a gun! Russians are pussies!

President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.

Oh well, that's politics.

Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!