Politics jokes

Adolf Hitler

Why did Hitler kill himself? He knew the war was over at the beginning.

So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.

After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."

So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."

Conservatives when they hear about “liberal arts:” 👊😡

Liberals when they find out about forest conservation: 😩👐

Progressives when they see a reaction video: 🤬

Reactionaries when a Progressive ad comes on (Flo is annoying): 😱

Anticoms realizing they are a part of a “community:” *seizure*

Anticaps when they have to Capitalize Their Words: 😤

Anti-monarchists when they pass a Burger King: 🫨

Antisocs when they are told to “socialize:” 🫠

Corporatists when they see a corpse: 🤤

Antifash when they spot a fashion show: 🤮

Classical liberals when the TV shows Family Feud: 😑🔫

Extremists when they are told to shoot “dead center” (they have bad aim): 😠🖕

What happened when Obama ran for president?

The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.

Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:

1. USA was NEVER invaded!

2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!

3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!

4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.

5. We have more allies than you.

6. We are smaller but stronger.

7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!

Your mamma is so fat that even a North Korean missile would have competition.

What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.

Q. What's the difference between Trump and a piece of shit? A. Shit isn't orange.

The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.

How could the German people fall for Hitler and the Nazis?

There were an awful lot of red flags!

He's homeless.

Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...

The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.

Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"

This joke's short just like Joe Biden's penis.

Oh wait, if I were to make a joke to the size of Joe Biden's penis, I wouldn't write a joke.

Donald Trump is so stupid his fanboys dislike this.

Republicunts/Cuntservaturds.

My dad killed himself because he was Hitler.

How do you think Julius Caesar killed his enemies?..

With a pair of Caesars! 😂😂👌

Hey, can you Putin deez nuts?

What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?

Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.