Politics jokes
What's red, white, and blue and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!
Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.
A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”
President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!!
Man: We have the power of the sun itself!
President: Drop it on them!
Man: You push the button.
President: *sigh* Fine give it to me.
Man: Hands over button
President: Pushes it
Both: YAAA!
President: Bumps into the button pressing it again
Both: Oh, sh*t!
Meanwhile in Japan after the first bomb went off
Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again
Why does America suck at chess? Because they already lost their two towers.
What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?
I don't know... I just fly the drone.
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
How do you keep a Biden supporter in suspense?
...
Most controversial types of matter:
1. Dark matter 2. Anti-matter 3. Black Lives Matter.
If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together, all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.
I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.
Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
Where did George go?
Washington, D.C.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
"Hitler wasn't such a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler."
What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie?
“Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.”
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
What do the initials CIA stand for?
Central Intelligence of A**holes.
I think we should change Alzheimer’s disease to Joe Biden disease.