Politics jokes

"History's repeating itself. WWIII is coming, and the second Russia nukes the U.S., they're all getting fucked."

Why did Russia put war on Ukraine for more nuts?

You are so fat you were able to occupy Wall Street all by yourself.

What's worse than having a comedian as president? Having a president that has dementia.

Your hairline is so long that sometimes even the president doesn't know where it ends.

Why did UK want Northern Ireland for more s***?

Why did the French call Napoleon "Napo?" Because it is Napo[leon].

What's Osama bin Laden's favorite song?

"Under the Sea," from The Little Mermaid.

And together we will make America great again.

You were never great in the first place.

Why did the Twin Towers fall exactly at 9/11?

Because the terrorists thought that it would be fun to call 911 as a "prank."

Only a city council committee would create this mistake.

Put a fucking playground next to a shitty sewer!

What would you call the previous president when he is having a bad day?

Donald Grump.

Q: Why did China take over Tibet? A: Because they china exploit foreign resources.

Btw, these are real facts despite the CCP's propagandist narratives. #FreeTibet #FreeHongKong #FreeInnerMongolia #FreeUyghers

Yo mama is so ugly that even Donald Trump couldn't be inside her dreams.

Why were people sad when John F. Kennedy got shot? All he got was head.

Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"

The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"

The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"

The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"

What's the difference between a UKIP voter and a shopping trolley?

Some shopping trolleys have minds of their own.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Mike Pence's hair is made of glue.

What do you call a kid that’s cold and his name is war?

Cold War.

Why is the USA so bad at chess?

Because they already lost the Twin Towers.