Police jokes
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
What's the difference between an American police man and a Christian?
At least a Christian kneels in church.
If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that.
More cops died from COVID than anything else last year, hahahaha.
They should have shot COVID instead of Tyrone on the microphone, lmfao.
A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."
Your Mom tells you to take out the trash, and the next day the Police are asking if you bombed the School.
If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock knock jokes!
A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came, they asked what happened. The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
Why can’t you yell at a kid?
Because the cops are after you.
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
What's up guys! Quandale Dingle here (RUUEHEHEHEHEHEEHE). I have been arrested for multiple crimes (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) including: Battery on a police officer (WHAT), Grand theft, Declaring war on Italy, and public indecency (RUHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE x2 speed).
I will be escaping prison on, MARCH 28TH! After that I will take over the worl[d].
Little Johnny was walking on the street alone one day and saw a robber. Little Johnny says to him "Give the mother fucking broken ass piece of shit back!"
To which the robber says "FUCK YOU! I don't wanna."
Little Johnny calls the police and says "A robber is stealing a broken ass piece of shit purse."
The police said "How old are you?"
Little Johnny then hangs up the phone.
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.
What do you call a policeman/farmer?
A farmer in blue!
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
The police: Pull over!
The kid: Do you know who my dad is?
The police: What, your mom did not tell you?
🥫Wewo wewo, stop right now or we will be forced to stop your self.
No, not like you can ketchup!
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a police officer?
Because he can't use a walkie-talkie.
What hates socialism but still uses roads, police, and says they support the military?
Dumb right wingers.