Police jokes

Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.

What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?

Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.

So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

I'm Black, when a cop sees me, he shoots.

What happened to the police that crossed the road?

They solved a murder involving the nut case.

What is the Mexican police number?

9 Juan Juan.

What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?

Oooooooooh girl, you lion!

Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?

A. A police officer.

Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.

Student: My name is Buttitches.

Teacher: Please tell us your real name.

Student: Buttitches.

Teacher: I’m calling the police.

Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.

Student: Buttitches.

Police: *shoots gun.*

A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."

How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just beat the room for it being black.

My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"

If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.

They're trained for that.

More cops died from COVID than anything else last year, hahahaha.

They should have shot COVID instead of Tyrone on the microphone, lmfao.

Your Mom tells you to take out the trash, and the next day the Police are asking if you bombed the School.

A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."

A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came, they asked what happened. The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Police.

Police who?

Police stop telling these awful knock knock jokes!

Why can’t you yell at a kid?

Because the cops are after you.