Police jokes

A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.

J0K35 (me): So I heard China recently released a snack.

Guy: Oh, what is it?

J0K35: They call it the Asian Raisin.

Guy: Isn't that what RiceGum was when he released Frick da police?

What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.

I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

I killed a man in '94.

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"

What did the police say to the ice cream freezer?

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.

America's police phone number is 911 because that is the day they lost everything.

What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?

Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!

"Police control! Have you been drinking?"

"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"

"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"

New BBC Geordie police drama set in Honolulu.

Haway Five O.

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

Police seek clues to explain Walmart.

Why did the police play baseball?

Why?

He wanted to play catch.