Police jokes

The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"

I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?

A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.

I killed a man in '94.

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

What did the police say to the ice cream freezer?

What did the Los Angels Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breath? they gave George Floyd two squirts of zicam cold remedy inside his nose

What did one detective say to the other detective?

"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."

What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?

Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!

Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.

Why did the police play baseball?

Why?

He wanted to play catch.

Police seek clues to explain Walmart.

New BBC Geordie police drama set in Honolulu.

Haway Five O.

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

"Police control! Have you been drinking?"

"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"

"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Please.

Please who?

Police, can you stop talking so we can get to the end of the joke.

Lol.

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.