Police jokes

A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.

Yo mama so stupid, she told the police a kid raped her.

J0K35 (me): So I heard China recently released a snack.

Guy: Oh, what is it?

J0K35: They call it the Asian Raisin.

Guy: Isn't that what RiceGum was when he released Frick da police?

What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.

The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"

I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......

It’s a wood hulem.

How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just beat the room for it being black.

What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"

I killed a man in '94.

What did the police say to the ice cream freezer?

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

When the police caught him stealing batteries, he was immediately charged.

The cops are accusing him of resisting. He's now languishing in a cell, where he is currently awaiting an appearance in Circuit Court.

How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They wait for it to turn itself in.

According to the Police report, what did one traffic signal say to the other?

"Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light..."

America's police phone number is 911 because that is the day they lost everything.

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.