Police jokes

I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?

A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.

What did the police say to the ice cream freezer?

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.

I killed a man in '94.

New BBC Geordie police drama set in Honolulu.

Haway Five O.

"Police control! Have you been drinking?"

"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"

"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

Why did the police play baseball?

Why?

He wanted to play catch.

Police seek clues to explain Walmart.

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Please.

Please who?

Police, can you stop talking so we can get to the end of the joke.

Lol.

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.

What did one detective say to the other detective?

"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."

America's police phone number is 911 because that is the day they lost everything.