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Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)

If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

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  • Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.

    if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.

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