Play jokes
A burglar breaks into a weapons engineer's house, hoping to loot the high-tech arsenal. Suddenly, the engineer yells from upstairs, "Hey! Stop right there!"
The burglar, trying to play tough, screams, "Hands up! I know you've got the goods! Open the armory or I'll shoot!"
The engineer, trembling, cries, "Okay, okay! Don't shoot! I'll give you everything, even my latest prototype!"
The burglar, eyes gleaming with greed, demands, "Prove it! Let me see this fancy new gun first!"
The engineer points to a target range. "It's a plasma blaster," he claims. "Go ahead, give it a shot."
The burglar aims at the bullseye, pulls the trigger, and—BANG!—the gun fires directly into his own chest.
As the thief collapses, the engineer cackles, "Surprise! It's not plasma; it's my new 'Reverse-Recoil Special,' specifically designed for uninvited guests!"
What did the priest say to the other priest during baptism?
"We better clean our sex toys before we play with them."
How did black people learn to steal sports cars?
By playing GTA nonstop.
Tiger Woods is a lion cheetah. He took a wife and seventeen mistresses because he just had to play all eighteen holes.
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.
What's a game a paraplegic kid can't play?
Hopscotch.
What do dicks and Rubik's Cubes have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
What role does a leper play in the theater?
Voldemort!
What do a Rubik's Cube and a dick have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
What’s the most played song in Africa?
Have you ever seen the rain?
What’s the best song to play when visiting Africa?
"Have You Ever Seen the Rain?"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to run to.
Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.
A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."
Why are liberals so bad at playing hockey? Because it is played on ICE
Why cant Americans play chess?
Because they lost their towers...
Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"
Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."
Why do Chinese people never play baseball?
Because they always eat the bat.
Why is America so bad at playing chess?
They lost two towers.
Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? Because they'll steal all the green cards.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They won't be able to find home.